I have been pretty emotional these days... and sometimes, i wonder why... today, i found out the reason... and today, i found the answer and the solution to all my problems...

Over the past two odd years, i have been eyeing this girl in my junior college class... in her, i found great character of determination, and the sheer will to succeed.. i saw in her independence, well blended with plentiful humour... even though at times, she does things very slowly, and this initially made me irritated because i was once a person with little patience... but i have grown and adapted to be more patient... in my eyes, she was perfect... she cares about the people around her with her heart, and she is sensitive to emotions...

but all these have come to pass... i realised that i have been pursuing some one who is of a much higher standard than i am... i am one, who is utterly insensitive... i am known for being blur, stupid, and even to the extent that i will not know what is implied in words said to me... no matter how clear they may seem...

pairing both of us up would result in a disaster; for she will expect me to be sensitive to her needs and to be there for her... but i'll be busy thinking about everything else except her needs... i won't be able to satisfy her emotional needs, and i might not be able to be there for her all the time...

for me, the scale has been tipped off scale long ago... but i have been insensitive to it... until today... when i finally got myself down, and discussed it with my Lord... and he showed me his plans for me... his words tell me not to devote myself to this world, but in the kingdom of God... repeatedly, when i read the bible, when i sing hymns and songs, this phrase keeps popping out... and at the end of it, i understood his intention... and i saw what was more perfect than what i myself thought was perfect...

i had been blinded by one-man's desire to achieve something, yet i did not really see that the pieces of jigsaw puzzles i have on my hand were of a different kind... and there were just a handful of them, barely enough to complete a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle that i aspired to complete...

yet my Lord took me a step back, to realise that the time is not yet up... that i have to move on with my life, to learn more, to gain experience, to get more pieces of life's jigsaw puzzle... so that at the end of the day, i may be able to consolidate all the pieces, and make them into a beautiful and majestic work of art...

yes, my Lord is good... he comfort and guides me... his plans for me are far beyond those that i can comprehend... yet i know that he has been beside me all these while, and now he'll tugging at my shirt, because i have strayed too far away from the road of life... and i know my Lord will surely lead me on, to achieve what he intended for me... what is best for me...

i have finally found the answer to one of my life's greatest mystery till date... and i am glad that i've finally solved this great problem in my life... yes, i may be sad that i have to give up the gold medal of my life... yet i know that for me to be able to clinch that medal, i have to work hard for it, and to strive for it... for an athlete, it's physical training... for me, it'll be getting out to society, to learn and to expose myself, so that i may grow out of the thick cocoon wrapped around myself since school... so that i may expose myself to the harsh realities of life, and emerge from it stronger, and better... till the day i get that medal, i will try my best... and i will long for that day to come...

"for the Lord his good, and his mercy forever endures" - Don Moen
"thank you Lord" - BenJi