last night, i had a dream...

i dreamt that it was during night study just more than a year ago... and she asked me "would you like to take my dad's car back to where i stay? would it be easier for you to get home from there?"... and i said "no, i got direct bus from CJC..." i should have said yes... even though it's further, but it's one way of getting closer... i should have said yes, because it meant more time spent with her... i should have said yes, i just knew it... it was a dream, yet this dream is very very very real... because it was a dream about the past... and now i'm regretted about my decision back then...

i was just reading Our Daily Bread's add-in, on "forgiveness"... and it says that very often, we end up needing to forgive ourselves... and it's not the simple "myself", but the "stupid moron benjamin who said no back then"... it's the benjamin who was insensitive, it's the benjamin who couldn't understand... and of course, to qualify for forgiveness, that benjamin has to know his mistake, and be willing to repent and change from it... and i think it's very true... very often we all dwell in our own mistakes of the past, and keep pondering about it and not moving it... and we do not recognise that it was the old person who did that mistake, and we have to forgive that old self in order to move on... yet this is always the hardest... because it's hardest to recognise one's own mistakes... surely a doctor can never heal himself, nor can a surgeon operate on oneself...

i'm still trying... but i will persevere on...

this is a dream; a dream of the future and not the past...