for so long i've been wanting to shut down this blog... because life's just so boring, so repetitive, so dull; but i'm too lazy to explore anything in blogger beyond my own bookmarked "New Post"... i'm a project specalist for now, and that just means projects, and more projects and more projects... everyday, i just go to office, mind my own business and get everyone else to serve and tend to my needs... and what's my business??? well, preparing slides for meetings and conferences, preparing data to be presented to the heads of departments, cracking my head to justify something with amounts of data so massively lacking that there is nothing to conclude actually; and of course doing random ad-hoc nonsense, attending totally random meetings and conferences, and going for more random courses... yes, that's my business; and will be very likely to stay like that for the next one year... in fact, it has been 4 days past my one-year-anniversary since enlistment into the army; and yet i do not feel as if i accomplished much, and i do not see the end nearing because it's really just the beginning...

and what use is that when i try my best to engage in other activities outside army... planning for class chalet, putting in my best to find out that people didn't do what they promised and didn't even have the courtesy to inform me; finding out that perhaps it's all an illusion and that the chalet would just be another one with no programme, no nothing, just one chalet, one bbq, and the rest is "free and easy", the much nicer way of saying "go ahead and go home because we have nothing planned for you anyway"...

and other people, they just fade into the darkness once they get busy... empty promises that linger in the air for as long as the days went by in my head; and words that last for milliseconds the moment they leave one's mouth, or one's fingers in the digital age.. now these people finally understand how hard it is when i juggled between work and them back then...

but this is really part and parcel of life.. people come, people go... what's the big deal??? after all life on earth is so temporary, and no friendship or relationship can actually last forever... so there's really no point in putting in any more effort than eating a meal, anything more than that is just a wastage of time, effort and money...

no, that's not what i want; but that's life... when a drunkard gets caught and asked by the police, he answers "it's not that i have alcohol in my blood-stream; but why is there blood in my alcohol-stream???"... "it's not why there is such coldness in friendship; but why is there friendship in coldness???"...

some people can settle down into such boredom and such isolation... but i really find it very hard to adapt to this change... humanity is such a disappointment; and i am part of humanity... no wonder God is disappointed at this world... if i were God, i would be very sad too... and if i were God, i wouldn't be able to control myself as well... and that's probably the reason why i'm not God...